You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want her autograph on my taint
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
