we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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