I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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