If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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