Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
