anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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