i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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