She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I am morally bankrupt
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
