If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize