I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
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I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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