Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
