im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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