Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
