i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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