A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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