walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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