it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize