OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
