please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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