well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
