I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
