as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
