The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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