I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
