is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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