I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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