Just fell off a train. Bad.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
two words...techno handjob
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
