I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
