if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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