Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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