can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
