worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
