I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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