My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
