She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
