She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
