if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
