i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize