He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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