My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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