I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
