No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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