The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Terrible idea I love it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
