You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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