you win again, gameday.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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