It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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