Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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