ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
