At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
