I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My feet surprised me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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