We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
