I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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