ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
