did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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