remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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