our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
