I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
