Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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